Elle: @home

I’ve had to take time off work. Last week I had barely seen the children and hadn’t even spoken to Daniel much either. I hadn’t even realised just how busy I am of late until I gave Chloe a proper look over in the car on her way to school and realised that I did not recognise the clothing she was wearing. She hasn’t been speaking to me much but then after dropping Jack off and realising that he wasn’t speaking to me either I thought about when the last time was I actually had a proper conversation with my children and then I realised I couldn’t remember the last time we had a meal together. Again! I’ve been neglecting my children without realising it. So I checked the refrigerator when I got home and nothing. There was nothing for my children to eat so I drove back up to Jacks’ pre-school and went in to talk to him. The teacher was having difficulty with handing over my son! Christ! I was terribly rude which isn’t how I work but at this point, I was guilt ridden and needed to speak to the easier offspring. Apparently Chloe has had friends babysit Jack while she is at piano practice for the exam and the concert. They’ve been eating pizza and pies and popcorn for the last five days. Where was I? What have I been eating?

That’s when I realise that the cookie jar of money has been used up probably for food and then the pizza and milk. I am sure I’ve had coffee the past week but I’ve literally not been paying any attention to what the kids are eating. I decided to discuss it with the teacher and we came to the agreement that he won’t come into school for the rest of the week. So I’m using the rest of the day today to put in a few days of leave from work and buy groceries in the house and maybe I can catch Chloe before she leaves school or goes to practice or whatever because I don’t know my own daughters schedule.

I had a good cry about it earlier but I need to pull my shit together and start finding some semblance of balance. I need to be with my children as well as provide for them and myself. How do other working mother’s manage to do this?? I think it’s time I got in some help just until Daniel comes home. I tried calling him just now but his phone  went straight to voicemail. I’ve left a message. He needs to call me back because we need to talk. I want our marriage to survive this separation and I realised that after neglecting my children that I am also neglecting my husband and my marriage. I can’t help wondering if I haven’t been enough of a support to him during this time in his life.

We just need to talk things through.

Time to collect Jack and try and intercept Chloe.