Here I am waiting on dad. He is running late. I think he and mom had a little too much fun last night and overslept this morning. How gross are my parents? Old people shouldn’t be this happy. So disgustingly in love. It’s gross.
Not hearing anything from Gabriel or Grace and Priya has been particularly hard. I thought that I would be spending this winter break with them at least. Which meant I had a new life at my new school but I don’t. Sometimes I forget, just for a moment, that I am at a new school this year. I forget about our old house in Hout Bay with the swimming pool and our domestic worker and gardener. I forget about my walk in closet and the luxuries I took for granted because they were there since I was born. I didn’t know any different. All my friends were white. Wealthy. Oblivious. We spoke about world politics like we knew what the hell we were talking about. This BREXIT thing must have our little circle of old on fire – except that now, I realise we were just pretending like everyone else. We,(at least our little circle) had no idea what we were talking about. How can people be so opinionated and ignorant at the same time? I can see that now. Dad says that because people aren’t well informed about both sides of the BREXIT argument, and were still allowed to have a say, the global village, as we so fondly knew it, has just been given a shake up like a proverbial snowglobe. No one knows how long it will take for the pieces to fall and settle and when it does…. Well, he didn’t finish that thought. I think that means he is worried. I tried watching the BBC news channel for clarity but I feel more confused by all this information. How did anyone else understand and vote without their emotions clouding their unbiased judgement?
Why do I care so much? I live in a country that is on the brink of collapse. The media pictures look like we are at war. In a way we are. At war with ourselves. I think my parents are toying with the idea of moving to Germany. Dad can transfer. The economy is stable out there. Better education and opportunities for Jack. A better environment for me.
I can almost hear Grace laugh and tell me she expects nothing less from my white girl mentality. The majority of the country doesn’t get to decide to up and leave. The majority of the country has to stay and they don’t have a choice. If I thought I could make a difference I would. Grace once said that I wouldn’t ever truly understand anything about this country because I didn’t grow up in the struggle. I am growing up privileged. I wanted to tell her that we are the same age and we attend the same school how was it any different for her than it is for me? But then one day I went home with Grace after school and even though I liked spending time with her… I didn’t feel completely safe in the neighbourhood, Durbanville. I don’t know why. She doesn’t live too far. Grace said she definitely wouldn’t travel to Priya’s part of the city, Retreat. I don’t know. Never even heard of it before meeting those two.
I miss my friends. I am so happy that I got to come to this school and live in this smaller house. We actually see each other now. My parents talk and laugh. Spend actual time with Jack and I. Maybe I thought we were poor leaving Hout Bay. Maybe I felt like we lost our status but I realise now that this is what I want. Our family together. My parents’ attention and affections. I wouldn’t ever admit this out loud of course. I’m not lame.
Sounds like dad is about ready for the office and I can start my week of internship. I wonder what Grace and Priya are doing. I think I might try calling Gabriel a bit later and sending Grace and Priya a text message.
They have to forgive me at some point right?????