Trying to digest

Gabriel vanished from the start of the holidays and I never heard a word. I emailed and called and sent him dozens of text messages but he never sent me as much as a smoke signal and then, the first week of the new term, he arrives at my door with a puppy.

I don’t know what to think. I’m so confused. Mom and I have been discussing this at length. He actually went off to New York because he was invited last minute by the Manhatten School of Music. One of the top ten schools. If he went, he’d get a full scholarship! I guess, I totally understand why he went. I would have gone if music was still what I wanted to do with the rest of my life but what really has me up at night is the fact that he didn’t let me know any of this.

He just left.

Mom says it’s ultimately my decision if I want to date him but that he doesn’t seem like a very considerate type of boyfriend. She doesn’t want my first boyfriend to make me feel like I’m an after thought. That I should be the first thing he thinks about. This first boyfriend thing is usually a little OTT and she doesn’t see that with me. She doesn’t see me as happy and as in love as she’d have liked from a first relationship and maybe Gabriel isn’t the boy for me.

But then I think.

He did bring me this really cute French bulldog. Which he had to take back home with him because dad said no. Mostly because she wasn’t house trained. I think. Maybe dad just can’t stand Gabriels’ face.

When I told Grace she said and I quote, “Here we go again. I’m not doing this.” And then she left.

Mom says she might be jelly beans so I asked her and she LOL and walked away still LOL but Priya said by her calculations, and she’s a genius that’s exactly what Grace is. Jelly.

I’ve been messaging with Jonah. I shouldn’t be because dad declared that Jonah is not a boy he’s a man. That means he’s only talking to me to have sex with me. Well, eventually. Jonah says dad is so wrong. I don’t know why but I felt bad about myself. I asked if he was gay and he said no, that I was too young and he’d get in trouble. He’d wait till I was eighteen before trying to get into my pants. Then he actually made me smile. It should have scared me  or deterred me I know but it’s not like he knows where I live or go to school or any of my personal location information so… I don’t see the harm in chatting to him. Not yet anyway.

I spoke to Jonah about Gabriel and he did say that if I gave Gabriel a reason to look at me differently instead of like just another girl at school that he might think twice about leaving town without checking in on me. I guess he’s right… Maybe I should dress more like a woman and remind Gabriel why I’m his girlfriend. He might have forgotten.

 

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